Moving Day
Things are likely to be a little quiet here in Swampland today, as we are packing up and moving to a new Washington Bureau. Part of the process is trying to figure out what to take and what to toss. I'm agonizing over things like whether to throw out my notes from the 1996 Bob Dole campaign, or that pamphlet that a Lyndon LaRouche supporter once gave out that was headlined: THE PURE EVIL OF AL GORE. (I never did get around to reading that story inside on "Al Gore and Adolf Hitler." Or the one on "The Conspirators on Al Gore's Secret Team.")
But there are some artifacts that you come to realize are real treasures. Like my favorite press release of all time. It is dated July 19, 1994, and was issued by then-Senator Howell Heflin's office. That morning, the Senator had been dining in the Capitol with some Alabama reporters, and suddenly felt a sniffle coming on. The reporters were aghast when the Senator reached into his pocket, pulled out a bit of fabric and began to wipe his nose with ... a pair of ladies underwear. Hence the following:
STATEMENT OF SEN. HOWELL HEFLIN
HANDKERCHIEF
JULY 19, 1994I mistakenly picked up a pair of my wife's white panties and put them in my pocket while I was rushing out the door to go to work.
Rather than take a chance on being embarrassed again, I'm going to start buying colored handkerchiefs.
Yep, that's one press release that I'm hanging on to.
-
1
Please don't toss any notes. We KNOW there is a book in you and you may regret getting rid of any of that stuff.
.
Good luck with a rotten task KT. Moving is a pain. -
2
that pamphlet that a Lyndon LaRouche supporter once gave me that was headlined: THE PURE EVIL OF AL GORE.
*
I didn't know Ceci Connelly was a LaRouchie. Though it does explain a lot. -
3
This doesn't say much for Mrs. Heflin's choice of underwear. When I think sexy, "handkerchief" does not come to mind.
-
4
What was that that was said in a thread not long ago about the "balance of power in the Senate was dependent on a comedian"?
.
The writer was referring to Al Franken but, from your post, comedians have been in the Senate for a very long time.
.
Don't throw out anything. At the rate things are going, we're going to be looking back on those times as the "good ol' days". -
5
Moving is a pain.
.
Particularly because its so easy to get distracted by the stuff you find that you haven't thought about since the last move.
.
Good luck. -
6
Heflin did not feel a sniffle coming on. He felt the urge to sniff. Way to go Howell.
-
7
Doesn't everybody carry a chage of underwear in their pocket?
-
8
Well, I wouldn't throw anything out, but as I'm sure you're aware if you've moved more than once, you probably won't have to. You have my sympathy; I swore the last 4 times that next time it was going to be the professionals for me. Now I've just decided that if the house ever gets sold, I'm included as one of the appliances that goes with it.
-
9
KT: Keep your notes. I agree with Pnnto, there is a book in you waiting to come out. I look forward to the chapter titled Amy Sullivan: Bible Girl or Holy Terror? This is my gift to you.
-
10
Never throw out campaign tchotchkes. You never know how valuable they may turn out to be: http://copyrightsandcampaigns.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-you-should-never-throw-anything.html
(Make sure to click on the picture for the full effect.)
-
11
Have saved the Al Gore for President 1988 button.
-
12
Once upon a time, if you wanted to hear the Dems compared to Hitler, you had to find a LaRouchian. Now it's a mainstream GOP talking point.
.
Good luck with the move! -
13
Wasn't that statement of Heflin's actually a political home run? I recall there was some more to it:
STATEMENT OF SEN. HOWELL HEFLIN
HANDKERCHIEF
JULY 19, 1994
[...]
Let me say, incidentally, that some of you may say, "Well, that is all right, Senator, that is your explanation, but have you got any proof?" And I would like to tell you this evening that just an hour ago we received an independent audit of my wife's underwear drawer.
.
I should say this, that Mrs. Heflin doesn't have fancy Fredrick's of Hollywood underwear. But she does have respectable Republican cotton panties, and I always tell her she would look good in anything.
.
One other thing I probably should tell you, because if I don't they will probably be saying this about me, too. We did get something, a gift, after the election.
.
A man down in Texas heard Mrs. Heflin on the radio mention the fact that she wanted new undergarments, and, believe it or not, the day before we left on this campaign trip we got a message from Union Station in Baltimore, saying they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was?
.
It was a pair of little panties, in a box that he had sent all the way from Texas, black and white, spotted, and Mrs. Heflin named them Checkers.
.
And you know, I, like all good Republican husbands, loved the panties, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we are going to keep them. -
14
Once upon a time, if you wanted to hear the Dems compared to Hitler, you had to find a LaRouchian. Now it's a mainstream GOP talking point.
.
In fairness to the GOP, they withdrew their resolution to rename the Democratic Party the Democrat Socialist Party [actually a slur within a slur]. -
15
KT:
The Dole Institute might just be interested in your '96 campaign notes. Be sure to speak with your tax specialist (not Nixon's) regarding charitable contribution deductions.
-
16
sqrl, that statement you put out would be funny, except Sen. Heflin was a Democrat.
-
17
KT: You might be able to start a bidding war between the Dole Institute and Viagra over his campaign notes. Make sure you're ready when they get serious.
-
18
[...] was posted today on Swampland, the bureau's blog, by Karen Tumulty. She is keeping her favorite press release of all time, [...]
-
19
"Have saved the Al Gore for President 1988 button." My first election! Though the bumper sticker on my puke-green Toyota was for Jackson (the first of many of my primary losers).
~
Where are the new digs KT?
~
I imagine Heflin returning home that evening to find his wife holding a revolver. "Howell, honey, I've never owned any white panties." -
20
Heflin's lucky the intertubes weren't in full swing.
-
21
I miss The Judge.
-
22
Funny. A real HANKY-PANKY, no doubt.
-
23
kind67 and sqrl: it's still funny.
.
jcapan: we won't be in the new digs until monday, which will be UNPACKING day. sigh. new digs are smaller, but my commute is slightly shorter. -
24
KT: Was just curious about the address (though I'd not want the nutters to know!)--my dad worked downtown all his life (Interior) so as much as I scorn Versailles I'm also often wistful about it's plush digs. Fortunately, the units are still in DC metro, so I get my annual nostalgia fix.
-
25
The reporters were aghast when Heflinn pulled a pair of ladies underwear out of his pocket because they knew his wife never wore them.
Most Popular »
- "Personal Sins Should Not Require Press Releases"
- False Economy: Think You're Saving Money? Think Again
- The 'Alice' Interview: A Very Different Brand of Wonderland
- Congress's Tepid Reaction to Obama's Afghanistan Plan
- Tiger Speaks
- Gleeks and Shrieks: Fox Unveils Midseason, Glee Gone Until April
- State Dinner, Uh, Fashion
- Rep. Woolsey: Majority Of Dems Will Vote Against War Funding
- White House Hypocritical Attack on Politico
- The Dreaded X
- Dogfight: Can Rescued Attack Dogs, Pit Bulls Be Saved?
- Rachel Uchitel: Tiger Woods' Alleged Affair Connection
- Helicopter Parents: The Backlash Against Overparenting
- Europe's Secret Nuclear Weapons: What Should NATO Do?
- Italian Town Dreams of a White (No Foreigners) Christmas
- Tiger Woods Admits 'Transgressions': Will Image Be Hurt?
- Ireland: Lack of New Catholic Priests Spurs Campaign
- Why Fritz Henderson Resigned as GM's CEO
- The End of the 2000s: Goodbye to a Decade from Hell
- Could White House Party Crashers the Salahis Go to Jail?














RSS