When ABC Imitates the Onion

This would be totally funny if it weren't, you know, happening:

Vice President Dick Cheney has asserted his office is not a part of the executive branch of the U.S. government, and therefore not bound by a presidential order governing the protection of classified information by government agencies.

Also, he is not bound by the laws of space and time! Instead of torturing the terrorists, he's going to make sure their parents never meet. Seriously, though... What freaky loophole has he found? Maybe the flag in Cheney's office has yellow fringe. Maybe his new undisclosed location is an abandoned oil rig he's declared "The Glorious Nation of Dickistan."

Yeah, I'll sleep better tonight knowing that Dick Cheney ANSWERS TO NO ONE.